Embracing the Uncomfortable: How Negative Thoughts Can Reveal Our True Selves

We often hear advice to ignore negative thoughts or self-talk and to try thinking differently. But what if simply pushing those thoughts away means missing an important message? Negative thoughts are not always a problem to be stopped. Sometimes, they carry clues about what’s really going on inside us. Instead of beating ourselves up or trying to force positivity, getting curious about these uncomfortable feelings can help us understand ourselves better.

Last week, while considering writing a blog post, I was hit with a wave of dread. Thoughts of needing to stay small, of being a silly girl playing at therapy, and doubts about being seen came rushing in. These were familiar thoughts for me but they hadn’t surfaced in a long while. Instead of fighting them, I leaned into them, I sat with the uncomfortable feeling in my chest, the tightening when I thought about putting myself out there and being seen. As I explored I realised this wasn't an attack, it was a message.

I recently changed the format of my blogs, adding a bit more structure, some sub headings, bullet points, hints and tips. I was trying to bring a more of a professional feel to them, rather than my previous flow of thoughts and feelings. It followed 'the' advice and was technically doing a blog in the 'right way'. But since doing it I felt I didn't want people to read them, parts of them felt inauthentic, not a reflection of me or the therapy I hold space for and thats where the self talk was coming from.

With curiosity for my thoughts and the feelings that accompanied them I was led to a deeper understanding of my own conflict which helped me realign with myself. The feeling into it also avoided a knee jerk reaction to stop all the changes I had made, as I tuned in I was able to sense what I wanted to move away from and what I wanted to keep and what needed tweaking to make it mine.

Reflecting on uncomfortable thoughts to find personal clarity

Are these Negative Thoughts?

I often struggle with the terms positive and negative, it's binary, it suggests good and bad, right and wrong, and things rarely seem that clean cut for me.

Our thoughts can absolutely feel uncomfortable or challenging or on the other hand easeful and calming. When we label them as negative, wrong or bad we are more likely to dismiss them, suppress them or ignore them.

Society encourages us to replace them with positive affirmations or to distract ourselves. I'm not going to say this approach is never helpful, however when we always try to squash our thoughts, we risk missing the underlying message. They often point to areas where we feel vulnerable, conflicted, out of alignment with our values or have old beliefs and stories that haven't quite left us yet.

How Curiosity Changes Our Relationship with Our Thoughts

Curiosity invites us to explore rather than avoid. Now I'm not saying this is easy, in the short term it can feel much better to push them away rather than listening. When we give space for our thoughts and what they are really saying we can truly get to know ourselves which can include our vulnerabilities, shame, desires, beliefs, values, fears, passion, conflict and so much more. It's not always easy to sit with these, however in the long term it can offer relief and space for other thoughts that maybe feel better.

If you are reading this wondering how you get curious with your thoughts, heres some pointers, some may work for you, others may not, and for some of us its helpful to have someone to explore this with such as a trusted partner or friend or therapist.

To start, before we try anything else I find it helpful to feel the thoughts, not the buzz or tension or cotton wool in my head, to feel them in my body, to notice where they show up, is it gripping in the chest, churning in the stomach, energy in the legs, or anything else? It can be helpful to tune in and be present with the feeling before exploring them, but if this isn't available to you skip it.

Then we become curious about the feeling or thought, we can ask questions like:

• If this feeling in my body had an emotion what might it be?

• If I follow the thread of this thought where does it take me, whats its end message?

• What emotion comes up when I think this?

• If this feeling had a voice what would it say?

• What does this feeling or thought remind me of?

• Or sit in quietness holding yourself and simply say (something like) "I love you and I'm listening" and wait for the message to come

Make these pointers yours and feel into how they can work for you:

• Do you say this out loud, in your head or write it down?

• Do you record yourself asking questions so you can hear them asked?

• Is this done seated or out walking?

Different things resonate with each of us, so discover what is best for you.

Moving Forward with Compassion and Curiosity

Next time you notice an uncomfortable thought, try to pause and explore it rather than push it away. Ask yourself what it might be trying to reveal. This doesn’t mean accepting harmful self-talk as truth, but rather listening with kindness and curiosity.

By embracing uncomfortable feelings, you can open the door to deeper self-understanding. You may find that what once felt like an attack is actually a message guiding you back toward your self.

Take the time to notice your thoughts and feelings. Lean into discomfort with compassion. You might be surprised by what you learn about yourself.

And as always if this is something you want help or support with, get in touch.